Setting Sail with a Plan

In my last post I lamented about how much I had spent the year looking forward to attending Britmums Live, and for the friendships and social aspect that was whole-heartedly true.  But a small, annoying part of me kept chirping up and saying 'But you don't really belong this year do you?'

 

In the last 12 months I have probably completed a handful of blog posts, I slipped away from networking, Facebook and Twitter.   I would love to say this is because I have been focusing on writing my novel but that would be, well, a bareface lie. 

 

Of course I kept taking that little flea in my ear and stamping on it with the force of an elephant stampeding, but it didn't really go away.  When I arrived on the Friday and met with my fabulous fellow blogging friends, the little niggle actually got stronger rather than dissipating like I thought it would.  I looked around and surveyed at how amazingly, bloody well my friends were all doing and progressing with their writing plans.  They all seemed to have taken our success from the agents sessions last year and really run with it.

 

First drafts of novels had been completed, mentors sought and secured, poetry and flash fiction anthologies developed from scratch, agents approached, writing festivals attended and some were actually involved in the running of the Britmums Live event!  For every one of those achievements by those wonderful people I am truly proud and in awe. 

 

But it also served to me a stark reminder of what I had not achieved this year.  It seemed as if just when I was starting to get somewhere with my blog and writing, good feedback and a little bit recognition from unexpected sources for example, I stood, frozen like a rabbit in the headlines.  And whereas my friends in the same position took their little bunny tails off to the safe side of the road and saw the opportunity to run wild in the big green field, I decided to stay, stuck frozen and scared in the headlights.

 

For the first two hours of the event this made me a little sad.  I felt little enthusiasm to be there.  In my mind I was sulking, a bit like my four year old does when something doesn't go his way.  But I was only cross at myself.  I could make excuses.  To be fair I have had a lot on my plate this year.  Oh yes, I could find a perfectly legitimate and plausible reason for why I haven't made any progress with my writing plans.

 

But the long and short of it is this : Everyone has had a lot on their plate.  The bloggers keynote readings made that very clear and the only reason I have barely put pen to paper so to speak this year is because I haven't been bothered too.  I could have got up early, stayed up late, left the housework, insisted that I have an afternoon at the weekend to work.  These are all things everyone else has done in order to make progress.

 

All of the authors in the first afternoon session I attended categorically stated that they have hectic family lives.  They have children, husbands and houses to run.  But, in order to write they had to make sacrifices, just like their husbands have to for work.  But whereas, when you are out at work you don't see you have the choice, you just have to do what you have to do, when you are a writer making your own schedule you have to physically choose to make those sacrifices.  Because as I have proven this year, it is so easy to not make them and, quite frankly, get nowhere.

 

By the end of the two Friday 'Write' sessions I decided to turn my thinking more positive.  The reality was I had put nothing in for the last 12 months and thus had very little to show for it.  But, I was surrounded by the best possible example of people who had put a lot in and had much to show for it.  That is an inspiring thing (the whole Britmums environment is) so I decided by the end of the second session pouting over the last year was a waste of energy, bugger all I could do about it now. 

 

All I can do is move forward.  To acknowledge the self doubting, cautious side of my nature and then kick it to the curb.  To have more faith in my ability.  To spend some time planning (I am pleased to say I did actually even start to do this at the conference whilst I was enjoying some quite time with [brags] an award winning friend on the sofas outside whilst the warm summer breeze lapped over our exhausted faces). 

 

I don't know why I hold back, I have always been the same.  I am not getting any younger and this is the thing that I really want to do.  I acknowledge my life is hectic and I have been waiting for this new period in our family life to come around (my youngest will be starting school in September).  A whole new era will be starting.  A whole new routine.  A whole new chance.

 

So I have from now until the end of August to make a 12 month plan (it will be big and colourful and placed on the wall - like a hawk eye).  At the end of the 12 months (September 2015) I want (will) be in a position to go to the York Writing Festival with confidence and a first draft.  Many things will make up getting that confidence; getting my blog active again and engaging with people and getting involved with the communities; entering writing competitions and submitting feature pieces; asking for feedback; researching my book genre market - writers and agents.

 

In short getting back out there and not being afraid. 

 

That can't be so hard?  Right?

What Has Made Me Cheerful This Week?

The first #R2BC of the year for me.  I hope to be able to write lots of these positive posts throughout the course of 2013 and join in the linky with Michelle at Mummy from the Heart, all round fantastic blogger and Reasons to be Cheerful founder and host.

 

The months of January and February are probably the hardest time of year to try and find positives.  Days are long, dark and cold.  It is harder to get out and about with the kids.  Even harder when you are trying to find indoor activities that are suitable for a lively 2 year old and a disabled 9 year old.

 

Work places seem to become more stressed and cash flow tight (isn't every ones?) in these months, which add pressure to home life.  Balancing and juggling become the order of the day.  Money, time, patience levels.

 

But all these things make it all the more important to spend five minutes finding some positives out of the week.  To help lift the spirits and see that in actual fact although it may not feel like it, progress has been made.

 

So, for the first of many for 2013, here are this weeks Reasons to be Cheerful :

 

* The flu virus I have been suffering with for almost a whole month finally seems to have left the building.  Although I still have a bit of a cold and the last of the sinus infection I have more energy.  Which has come in handy as school started back this week.

 

* We have been on time for school everyday this week and not forgot anything requiring further trips back and forth, one goal started to be achieved!

 

* We seem to have fallen straight into a good routine, both getting up in the morning and after school.  It feels nice to have some routine back.

 

* The book I (and other fellow bloggers contributed to) #100 Little Words has come out on Kindle.  I felt quite choked up showing my mum my words on her Kindle.

 

* I have to start researching for a Freelance Writing Course I am undertaking at the end of the month.  I am doing this course with one of my oldest school friends, who I haven't seen for 10 years, double excitement.

 

* The Hubby and I have barely seen each other this week so we have a lovely family time weekend planned, with a few home DIY activities.  We have decided although we can not afford to do much at the moment with our holiday coming up, we can do some de-cluttering and jobs 'we keep meaning to do' and start gathering ideas for a bit of home improvement.  We have a beautiful house and are not making the most of it's potential.

 

For other #R2BC posts hop over to Mummy from the Heart.

I 'Heart' Autumn

A few weeks ago I wrote that I felt sad because Summer seemed to have bypassed Autumn and gone straight to Winter.  I am pleased to say, I think Autumn has come back fighting. 

 

I woke earlier than normal this morning and could not get back to sleep.  And that is when I realised it.  The air had a chill, that required slippers and dressing gown being tracked down.  I waited for the water to run hot before indulging my hands in it.  The thought crossed my mind of flicking the heating on.  But, amongst these thoughts of seeking warmth, the sun was peeping in through a crack in the curtains and when I pulled them back the vision was beautiful.  A vibrant clear blue sky.  A low sun.  A slight dew on the grass.  Autumn has finally arrived.

 

Many people do not like Autumn.  They see it as a sad period.  Summer has faded.  The trees are losing their lush green status and 'getting naked'.  The sun no longer has the heat to walk around sans jacket.  The long dark Winter is approaching.  I do not though.  I like it.  It always makes me feel nostalgic.  To me it indicates a new beginning.  I think this is related to the school year starting.  I always felt it was a fresh start when a new school year approached in September.

 

Yes, you had to get through a cold old Winter, but at the end of that lay the irresistible temptation of another Spring and Summer to look forward too.  Summer holidays to warm destinations were discussed and usually booked in the thick of Winter too, as 'something to look forward too.'

 

I still feel that way about school, but for J1.  Autumn Term is the start of being a 'good school mummy' - getting him there on time and with all the things he needs for that particular day.  For making sure the cupboards are stocked with plenty of healthy packed lunch items.  That school trip forms are signed, paid for, returned and written on the calendar.  That items for the Christmas Bazaar are collected up for donation as and when something suitable is seen.

 

It hails the start of a solid routine after the haphazard period of the Summer.  And this house does crave a bit of routine.  I say 'J1 is such a routine boy.' - I think he would be like that even if he didn't have disabilities, because I so strongly am.  I think that is why I struggle with the 'Toddlerhood' part of child-rearing.  It's too unpredictable, needing to run according to the mood / sleep had by said Toddler.  I think I become a much better mummy when pre-school starts.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am always pleased when the school holidays arrive because I realise how much I have missed the extra company of J1.  It is lovely to not have to get up and have a regimented routine for a little while.  A change always does us good.  But by the end of them, I think everyone is craving that structure again.

 

So here is to crisp, fresh mornings.  To that cosy jumper and warm coat.  To the re-emergence of those faithful old ski socks as the evening turns to night.  To shorter play dates at the park, but the prospect of that silky hot chocolate running down your throat and warming your hands when you get in.

 

So, Welcome Autumn.  We didn't know if you would come.