New Beginnings

A very dear friend recently said goodbye to the blog for which she is known and loved.  A brave step, but the right thing for her.  We discussed this together, at length, in June and she stuck to her guns.  Seeing her 'take the plunge' prompted me to think about this, my own family lifestyle blog, which has been largely ignored for the last year. 

 

Whilst I adapted to life in a brand new area, away from the on-hand help of my parents, the small amount of child-free time I possess has been thinly spread.  Volunteering at both children's schools (a great way to settle into a new area and meet local people), keeping on top of all of the normal day to day running of our home, administrating the endless rounds of appointments and chasing professionals to ensure J1 has everything for his special needs and finally, planning, researching and writing the first draft of a novel. 

Blogging has become such a huge thing now, much more so than when I tentatively started out four or five years ago.  There are some absolutely amazing family life bloggers who have taken it much more seriously than I ever did, and flourished and reaped the rewards for the time and effort they put into making their blog work.  It is heartening to see. 

 

But a career was never why I started my blog.  Mine was born out of a pure need to get all my mixed up thoughts out of my head.  That coupled with a desire to write again.  After turning from a single mother with a busy full time job in London, to suddenly being a new wife and stay at home mother to my seven year old son with disabilities, and a new born, I found I was still constantly on the go, but had no one to talk to about it anymore.  When I stopped working all I could think about were the things I would not miss; the long, temperamental train commute; the cold, dark, early mornings and often late nights; sitting in an airless office with the sun shining outside; saying 'Yes, of course.' when what I really thought was 'Do it your bleeding self you lazy arse.'  I hadn't taken time to consider that as you grow older, friendships are mostly work-based and if you are not working ...

 

Let's just say it took me a while to adjust.

 

Blogging helped me to do that.  I not only found the therapy I needed in writing, but also a wonderful community.  Online acquaintances become real people, and I am lucky enough to say, real friends after being brave and attending the Britmums Live weekend that first year.  And for the next few years it became our annual get together.  But peoples lives move on, including mine, and suddenly I do not have a baby / toddler at home to constantly be entertaining and keeping ten steps ahead.  A window of opportunity opened. 

 

I came from a successful career I enjoyed but had never had a real passion for.  I grew up in an area where people were workers, no doubt about that, my whole family have toiled their whole lives - but no one said to us 'What do you really want to do?'  Work was to earn money and keep your head above water.  Choose a job you could do and maintain. I did well, flourished in my roles and climbed the ladder to having a career, rather than just a job, and that is when I realised, I could have done anything had I known.

 

I am not saying University was frowned upon, not by any means.  I was quite academic and I was one of the few encouraged into further education, but I still didn't have any idea of the opportunities, I have since discovered, would have been available within the literary industry had I really taken the bull by the horns in my younger years.

 

But I digress.  I guess what I am trying to say is I love my blog, it was my baby and it has been lovely nurturing it and watching it develop.  But in the main scheme of things, it is run of the mill, one of many, not one of the best.  I have sat and looked at it, many times, over the last year and thought I just don't know what to write?  I suppose because I have now adjusted to how our family unit works, I don't need to write posts to try and straighten out the thoughts in my head.  Well, apart from on one thing. 

 

Disability.

 

The disability section of this blog, The Disability Diaries, for which I can probably say has been it's most successful part in terms of 'blog success', is still something I do find myself needing to write about.  I probably always will.  

 

So, I am not closing this blog down.  But, I am making it purely about The Disability Diaries. 

 

I always wanted The Diaries to help raise awareness of the challenges faced by those who share disability within their lives in some way, and I want to continue to do that, it is as vitality important to me as forging myself a new career involving the written word.

 

Which, by the way, I am also planning on doing.

 

I am launching a new blog in February called The Very Pink Notebook, dedicated to all things bookish.  Reviews, releases, author interviews, tours.  As soon as the site is live I will be posting the link.  If you love the world of books as much as me, please follow and support.  I hope it gives you as much enjoyment to read as I am hoping it will give me to write and develop.

 

Of course, I continue to pursue the big dream too.  The novel.  I am having a wonderful time exploring and learning all about the industry which I hope to one day be a part of in some way.  There is a blog prepared for that too.  I will document my journey - but now is not quite the right time for that launch.  When it is you will be first to know.

 

No, when I was young no one really ever asked - What do you want to do?  So I decided to ask it myself. 

 

Wish me luck.      

 

 

   

Setting Sail with a Plan

In my last post I lamented about how much I had spent the year looking forward to attending Britmums Live, and for the friendships and social aspect that was whole-heartedly true.  But a small, annoying part of me kept chirping up and saying 'But you don't really belong this year do you?'

 

In the last 12 months I have probably completed a handful of blog posts, I slipped away from networking, Facebook and Twitter.   I would love to say this is because I have been focusing on writing my novel but that would be, well, a bareface lie. 

 

Of course I kept taking that little flea in my ear and stamping on it with the force of an elephant stampeding, but it didn't really go away.  When I arrived on the Friday and met with my fabulous fellow blogging friends, the little niggle actually got stronger rather than dissipating like I thought it would.  I looked around and surveyed at how amazingly, bloody well my friends were all doing and progressing with their writing plans.  They all seemed to have taken our success from the agents sessions last year and really run with it.

 

First drafts of novels had been completed, mentors sought and secured, poetry and flash fiction anthologies developed from scratch, agents approached, writing festivals attended and some were actually involved in the running of the Britmums Live event!  For every one of those achievements by those wonderful people I am truly proud and in awe. 

 

But it also served to me a stark reminder of what I had not achieved this year.  It seemed as if just when I was starting to get somewhere with my blog and writing, good feedback and a little bit recognition from unexpected sources for example, I stood, frozen like a rabbit in the headlines.  And whereas my friends in the same position took their little bunny tails off to the safe side of the road and saw the opportunity to run wild in the big green field, I decided to stay, stuck frozen and scared in the headlights.

 

For the first two hours of the event this made me a little sad.  I felt little enthusiasm to be there.  In my mind I was sulking, a bit like my four year old does when something doesn't go his way.  But I was only cross at myself.  I could make excuses.  To be fair I have had a lot on my plate this year.  Oh yes, I could find a perfectly legitimate and plausible reason for why I haven't made any progress with my writing plans.

 

But the long and short of it is this : Everyone has had a lot on their plate.  The bloggers keynote readings made that very clear and the only reason I have barely put pen to paper so to speak this year is because I haven't been bothered too.  I could have got up early, stayed up late, left the housework, insisted that I have an afternoon at the weekend to work.  These are all things everyone else has done in order to make progress.

 

All of the authors in the first afternoon session I attended categorically stated that they have hectic family lives.  They have children, husbands and houses to run.  But, in order to write they had to make sacrifices, just like their husbands have to for work.  But whereas, when you are out at work you don't see you have the choice, you just have to do what you have to do, when you are a writer making your own schedule you have to physically choose to make those sacrifices.  Because as I have proven this year, it is so easy to not make them and, quite frankly, get nowhere.

 

By the end of the two Friday 'Write' sessions I decided to turn my thinking more positive.  The reality was I had put nothing in for the last 12 months and thus had very little to show for it.  But, I was surrounded by the best possible example of people who had put a lot in and had much to show for it.  That is an inspiring thing (the whole Britmums environment is) so I decided by the end of the second session pouting over the last year was a waste of energy, bugger all I could do about it now. 

 

All I can do is move forward.  To acknowledge the self doubting, cautious side of my nature and then kick it to the curb.  To have more faith in my ability.  To spend some time planning (I am pleased to say I did actually even start to do this at the conference whilst I was enjoying some quite time with [brags] an award winning friend on the sofas outside whilst the warm summer breeze lapped over our exhausted faces). 

 

I don't know why I hold back, I have always been the same.  I am not getting any younger and this is the thing that I really want to do.  I acknowledge my life is hectic and I have been waiting for this new period in our family life to come around (my youngest will be starting school in September).  A whole new era will be starting.  A whole new routine.  A whole new chance.

 

So I have from now until the end of August to make a 12 month plan (it will be big and colourful and placed on the wall - like a hawk eye).  At the end of the 12 months (September 2015) I want (will) be in a position to go to the York Writing Festival with confidence and a first draft.  Many things will make up getting that confidence; getting my blog active again and engaging with people and getting involved with the communities; entering writing competitions and submitting feature pieces; asking for feedback; researching my book genre market - writers and agents.

 

In short getting back out there and not being afraid. 

 

That can't be so hard?  Right?

Three Years of Britmums Live - A Journey

In June 2012 I was a virgin.  A Britmums Live! virgin that is, of course.  Actually, in all honesty a complete blogging conference newbie.

 

Over the two days in that first year I diligently attended every session with regard to blogging, in my long planned, schedule of the events.  I made a book full of notes, visited every sponsor, signed up to almost everything and left with so many goodie bags I could hardly walk to the station.  I made acquaintance with a lot of bloggers, and unbeknown to me at the time, true friendships with two or three others.

 

I ate and drank too much.  And I allowed my mind to be temporarily pulled away from my duties as a mother, wife and housekeeper.  It was two days just to think about blogging.

 

I was exhausted mentally but I loved it. 

 

I swiftly booked for Britmums Live 2013 and looked forward to it wholeheartedly for the entire year.  Over the course of those 365 days my blogging continued but my writing ambition also started to develop, so by the time June 2013 came I was thrilled to see the conference also start to include sessions on writing, publishing, and how to approach an agent.

 

Another new thing was introduced.  Speed dating with an Agent.  A small time slot whereby you could pitch your idea to that mystical figure : The Literary Agent.  I so desperately wanted to think I could do this, but my book idea was so new in the making I had little confidence.  However, one of my wonderful fellow blogging friends told me to be confident and do it.  With the decision made, next came the hurdle of how, out of 700 delegates were we going to bag ourselves one of those few golden slots. 

 

Time to be brutal.  We were outside the doors two hours early, for the first hour and a half, we were the only two people there.  I was, still doubting myself and so tightly wound, worrying that a rampage would occur and our wait would have been in vain.  That did sort of happen actually, but my dear friend shoved me to the front and practically wrote my name down for me.

 

My appointment wasn't until quite late in the day, and I felt physically sick for the duration leading up to it.  I felt even worse when my time came and I got in front of the Agent, who's mind was obviously going at a hundred miles and hour and she looked at me expectantly.

 

As my brain and mouth decided to epically fail me, I shoved my synopsis across to her and tried to remember how to breath whilst she scanned it.  Ultimately I got amazingly positive feedback and was walking on air in a mixture of sheer relief and astonishment that I had got 'POSITIVE FEEDBACK!'

 

So, it was worth it.  But on reflection my first day had been largely spoilt because I was so stressed out.  I decided I had to make day two more relaxed.  I realised  I didn't need to go to a session if there wasn't something I really wanted to go to.  So I largely socialised and mingled.  That too was fantastic, I chatted to authors and met Katie Piper.  I got as much out of year two, but in a different way.

 

My ticket for Britmums Live 2014 was booked on my return home and yet again the event was hugely looked forward to the whole year.  My plan for this year, to be chilled.  I took my time getting to the event, had lunch and a glass of wine whilst perusing the Agenda and then checked into my hotel.  I guess I had the comfort of knowing a lot of people that were going to be at the event and consequently it took a lot of the nerves away. 

 

When I walked into BRIT 1 for the opening keynote it felt like just yesterday I had been there and really surrounded by old friends.  As we all looked around it was wonderful to be able to nod in acknowledgement to people, to wave frantically mouthing 'speak to you after!' to others.  This time it was so much more about the social aspect.  I did attend the WRITE sessions and thoroughly enjoyed and felt I benefited from them. 

 

On day one, my friend and I discussed the possibility that we wouldn't attend next year.  Maybe it was time to find more writing focused conferences, that we felt maybe we had learnt what we could from this particular event?

 

By the end of the BiBs, I realised it isn't all about the learning and attending sessions to help us progress.  The event for me now is a wonderful opportunity that does not arise very often in the world of a stay at home mum / wannabe writer, to be 'just me' for two days.  To enjoy friendships in person that the rest of the year are virtual, to indulge in a bit of time to myself that if I didn't book and come along to an event like this wouldn't happen. 

 

For me the Bloggers Keynote is the pinnacle of the event.  They make you realise that other people have sadness in their lives, and that by writing about it you are not silly, weird or stupid.  You are all just trying to cope anyway you can, and for us, writing is one of those coping mechanisms.  The Bloggers Keynote is the absolute physical representation of a supportive and inclusive community.  A community that is called Britmums.  A community I am proud to say I am a part of.

 

And my ticket for Britmums Live 2015 was booked before I had even left the venue this year and I am looking forward to it already.

 

With special thanks to the following people for making this year so great : Sarah at Older Mum in a Muddle, Anya at  Older, Single Mum, Ericka at  Mum in the South, Ellie at  Mush Brain Ramblings, Amanda Jennings.

 

 

What's My Password?

Well, it has been a while.  Months.  Never before has a blogging break lasted so long (well for me).  I guess it is like any hobby, you get out of the habit of doing it, longer you leave it - the harder it is to return to it.  You wonder where you can start?  Then it becomes a task.  So you put it off again.

 

Then, two things happened to make me realise that my writing is worth putting the effort into.  I read a quote recently and it stuck with me :

 

"My biggest reason for not giving up: No matter how hard it is to keep going, it is nothing compared to how hard it is to start over."

 

(facebook.com/DistantRunners - "Momma In Training")

 

How true is that quote?  I have already put so many hours and dedication into making my blog flourish, was I prepared to let a few months break put me off of my stride?  Put me off of writing?  The one thing I have craved to do my whole life, that I was starting to make a reality? 

 

The second thing that has been instrumental in me picking up the laptop is the fantastic writers and bloggers group that was born after the brilliant 2013 BritMums Live.  In particular thanks go out to Older Mum in a Muddle.  Her enthusiasm and commitment to supporting the group and encouraging aspiring writers to sit and actually (shock, horror) WRITE! and report back has been such a positive thing to see everyday, it made me once again want to sit and tap away at the keyboard.  

 

So, a quick sum up of why the break happened.  I think it was clear from my, few and far between, blog posts after March this year that life was stressful for me and my family.  Infact 2013, months one through six, were some of the most stressful we have encountered.  This was devastating given I started that January 1st so optimistic.  I think we all wondered if we would make it through the economic hit, but our crux was definitely this period.

 

Then came our Florida dream holiday.  Already committed to at a time when we thought things were going to be fine.  It was something that came around quickly and I found myself both looking forward too, we were going to accomplish a dream I had held for J1, and yet dreading - wondering what life I would return home too.

 

I think a guardian angel must have finally picked up on our pleas.  July saw a turnaround for our family life. Slowly but surely we have picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and worked our tails off making sure that we do not find ourselves in such a vulnerable position (ever) again.

 

Day by day, my mind is starting to settle a little.  Room for creativeness is starting to creep back in.  Things that we had planned, that had to be shelved are slowly starting to take shape.  Things are getting done.  We can start to move forward again instead of gasping for air just trying to survive.  As the stress levels come down, the children are not feeding off of the negative air and behaviour is improving.  Time is returning bit by bit and gradually my head is starting to venture into the territory that yes, maybe I will be in a position to write once more.

 

Bit by bit.  Step by step.  Word by word.

 

Lynsey The Mother Duck is back.

Lynsey The Mother Duck is Going to Brit Mums Live 2013

I am not one for doing things last minute, but for some reason I have not pulled myself together very quickly for the epic Brit Mums Live event which will be here at the end of this week.  So today I got up early to start sorting for it and now I am feeling a little more organised.

So without further ado, here is my introduction post ...

Name : Lynsey

Blog: Lynsey The Mother Duck

Twitter ID: @lynseymummaduck

Height: 5'5" (but wearing heels so about 5'7" - until they hurt then back to 5'5")

Hair: Long and blonde.  Technically it should be straight but with the sniff of humidity it goes a bit like Monica's out of Friends when they go to Barbados...

Eyes: Mostly tired.  Oh, and blue.

Is this your first blogging conference? No I came along to Brit Mums Live last year and it was fab.

Are you attending both days? Yes, some time to focus solely on writing can not be missed

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2013? Catching up with friends made at last years conference and meeting even more amazing bloggers.  The WRITE sessions.

What are you wearing? Lemon skinny jeans, black top, black jacket (Friday).  Dark blue skinny jeans, USA Flag top (Saturday)

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2013? Well last year I gained weight as the food was so yummy, so apart from that - some mojo inspiration which has been lacking of late.

Tell us one thing about you that not everyone knows. My guilty pleasure is watching the Biggest Loser shows - I find them very motivational!

Me :

What Has Made Me Cheerful This Week?

It has been a bit of a mixed bag this week.  Not so much for me, but for those around me.  I really hope that my friends and family who have encountered sadness, loss and change within life find strength within the dark times. 

This has made me even more aware of the importance of finding the positives in your life and with this in mind here are my

Reasons to be Cheerful  :

* I should have attended Mumsnet Blogfest on Saturday.  I had purchased my ticket, arranged to see blogging friends made at Britmums Live in June and had stocked my blog-card holder.  However, National Rail thought it was acceptable for my already lengthy train journey into London, to be doubled due to multiple 'engineering works'.  I did not find the idea of having to leave my house at 4.45am and not return until approximately 11pm that night appealing and neither did my Husband think it would be safe.  So I had to forfeit my much looked forward to trip. 

What is there to be cheerful about that?  Well of course I do wish I could have found alternate transport, or had the money for a hotel so I could have stayed in the city the night before but my time wasn't wasted.  I started a long overdue 'House De-clutter' project.  So far living room and kitchen are complete.  Quite a lot more to do but I do keep looking around the living room and smiling.

* Further to Operation De-clutter above I also created a 'writing space'.  We have a fabulous little nook on our landing that is overlooked by the window.  It was screaming out for a desk so I could write, in good light with a lovely view of the farmers fields.  I kept saying I wanted an antique desk and a Tiffany style lamp.  Then it dawned on me, I already have a lovely desk.  Well it is a bureau that the Hubby procured for me when we moved.  It wasn't being utilised for writing where it was, so with some minimal changes it has been re-situated in the nook.  Just got to find a lovely Tiffany lamp to adorn it with now.

* Something happened this week, that although I can not go into details of, made me really appreciate my Husband.

* I got to go Wedding Dress shopping.  Not for me of course (although I would have happily tried on every dress in the shop) but for one of my oldest friends.  Watching her try on dresses brought a tear to my eye and in the end the dress picked her.  She is going to look stunning and I am very much looking forward to hearing about the planning and preparation and trying to help make it the best experience ever for both the Bride and Groom.

* I have taken steps to find my running mojo, which has been lost since my BUPA Great South Run Race.  The cold, dark, lonely nights are not inspiring to go out running in.  Through the web page for the local Half Marathon I am entered into in March, I have found some other people who are also looking for company whilst running and have been advised of a running group that is actually quite local to me.  I get the feeling I will not only find company but inspiration too.

So that is it for my week.  For more positive inspiration head over to Michelle at Mummy from the Heart for the 'Reasons to be Cheerful' #R2BC blog hop and find other cheery souls. 

What Has Made Me Cheerful This Week?

The return of an abcess has taken the wind out of my sails a little today.  In addition to this I think the muggy night sent the option of a comfortable sleep for J2 into space, so we are running a little under fuelled. 

So, what better time than to think about all the positive things from the week, and boy it has been a busy and active week!  So without further ado, these are my multitude of reasons to be Cheerful this week.

1. BritMums Live 2012 was everything that it hyped itself up to be.  Two intense but laughter filled days were spent at a beautiful venue in the heart of London.  I came away with new friendships, lots of information, a tonne of goody bags and a photograph of myself with Ruby Wax.

2. My wonderful and generous husband booked me into a very swish hotel, The Montcalm, next door to the venue as a surprise.  It was so nice to know that I did not have to trot around London getting back to the hotel.  The very nice receptionist also upgraded me to a Club Suite so I felt even more spoilt.  If we could have taken a time machine to extend the length of the evening it would have been lovely if the Hubby could have indulged with me.

3. As another surprise The Hubby came and picked me up from the event on Saturday night from the doors of the venue.  This was much appreciated as I could barely carry all the bags of freebies accumulated over the course of two days and I am not sure I would have made it to the station without the assistance of a taxi.  It was such a heartwarming moment, although feeling sad at leaving some amazing women and a plethora of memories made, to walk out and see them smiling faces of the Hubby and Children.

4. Having a short break away is and was fantastic, but there is nothing like some time away from home and your family to make you want to get back to them.  I do love (and require) some 'alone' time every now and then but chaos of everyday SAHM life does keep me fit and young at heart.

5. The last two months have been extremely hectic, busy and social.  So it is with a small 'Oh my word' that I find myself with only a week to get packed for our holiday.  However, I like it when good things creep up on you because we now have a week of excitement before we depart, which will fly for me as I descend into a frenzied week of washing, ironing, lists, purchasing and packing.

6. We confirmed that we have managed to get a 'Wheelchair Bike' for our holiday for J1.  I will never forget the excitement in his voice when he said 'Daddy and Bob-Bob [Uncle] will ride with me!'

7. We confirmed that we have got places booked on the High Wire Challenge (post will come out of that I am sure).

8. I have got my first 5K race on Friday night.  I am running well into 5K comfortably now so I am really looking forward to it.  It will be good to log a time so that over the next few weeks, when I have got various 5K races signed up I can see if I can beat it.

9. A very dear friend, that sadly suffered a miscarriage earlier this year confided that she is 14 weeks pregnant.  I am thrilled beyond belief for her and her husband.

10.  J2 and I found a fantastic 'J2 age appropriate' park, just a five minute walk from our house.  Anything that burns of some of J2's copious amounts of energy is always a positive thing.  Let's hope that the Summer might decide to make a more permanent appearance soon.

For other mood lifting posts fly over to Michelle at Mummy From The Heart.