My son, J2, has recently discovered the childrens programme 'Teletubbies' and it's taken a couple of episodes to get him used to the format but now, he hears that little giggle come from the baby in the sun and he scrambles as fast as his chubby little legs can carry him to sit in his highchair. But today, as I was tidying in the room across the hall, I could hear uncontrollable laughter, that beautiful, heartwarming, makes a smile spread across your face no matter what you are doing, from the bottom of his belly, hearty and true laugh.
And it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
So today I am thankful that J2 had made a mess in the room across the hall, which meant that I was within earshot to hear that wonderful sound of his laughter. And I suppose I am also thankful for the Teletubbies. Which to be honest I didn't think I would EVER say!
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
A is for ... Attitude, Applause and Ahhhh Coffee (Wordy Wednesday Blog)
This is my first attempt at keeping to my mission of having an 'organised schedule' for blogging as mentioned in my post on the Page 'About My Blog'. Today being Wednesday, means that it is 'Wordy Wednesday' which means things that have happened in the week are plucked from the obscurity of my mind and linked together by the relevant letter of the alphabet, and as the title of this blog indicates, today it is A.
The first point raised in the title is 'Attitude' or 'Tude as it is referred to within our household. This has been mentioned because I have been faced with the first bout of 'Tude from J1. And this fact thrilled me so much that I had to mention it so that we can always remember it (although I always will). In living life with J1 and all his disabilities and difficulties that life has dealt him, anytime anything occurs with him that resembles that of an 'ordinary' 7 year old I want to jump as high as the sky.
The incident in question, was on the walk home from our first day 'back to school' yesterday. I suddenly realised (as I frequently do) that J1 was not wearing the same clothes (usually tops) as what I sent him in. On closer inspection I saw that he was in fact wearing his polo shirt and jumper I had sent him in, with another jumper over the top. I decided to attempt to question him as to why he was wearing two jumpers? Firstly, he tutted, then rolled his eyes and replied 'Because I am' sigh.
It was lucky that I was standing behind him pushing him along so that he did not see the inane grin that spread across my face, and it was all I could do to stop myself from snorting out a laugh. Instead I composed myself and said, as seriously as was physically possible 'OK, don't give me the 'tude, I was only asking a question'. And no we never did establish why he was wearing two jumpers!
The second A related word that warrants a mention is 'Applause'. Both of my boys have suddenly developed the need to be applauded for everything they do. This has been the case with J1 for a little while (if he finishes dinner on his own he announces 'Clap!', a drink 'Clap', plays with a toy 'Clap' you get the gist). But all of a sudden J2 has started doing it too. As he can't speak properly yet, he just starts clapping himself and shouts 'More' indicating we all have to join in. I think it is sweet that J2 is copying his big brother but J1 seems to indicate that he is less than impressed and instead of clapping his little bro, sits with the biggest puss face that he can muster. Again for me this is an achievement for J1, a bit of brotherly rivalry, hurrah!
Finally we have 'Ahhhh Coffee'. This has been my chant for most of the day (well most of my days for the last 7 years actually) but in particular today (had to crack out the Italian Roast strength number 5 today - yep the big guns have seen daylight) as J1 decided that he was going to wake up at 3am, and not go back to sleep. Now J1 stirs multiple times in the night to be repositioned but unless he is in real discomfort generally drifts back off. It is not uncommon place for J1 to wake up around 5am (this is the general rule of thumb) and you can kind of lay and half sleep and half 'Mmmmm' to his chatting until it is time to get up at 7am, but not today, no.
I could tell when I walked over to reposition him, with one eye half open (haven't managed to do it with both closed yet) that he had that glint in his eye that he was A.W.A.K.E. A big smile and 'Is it time to get ready for school yet? School today!' gave me the confirmation that I dreaded and believe me, no amount of gentle 'It's sleepy time' or change of tactic, stern 'J1 go back to sleep this minute!' worked. No, it wasn't until 7am came around that he suddenly announced 'Mummy I'm tired'. Tough love little dude, as you so clearly told me at 3am SCHOOL TODAY!
Thus the need for my 'Ahhhh Coffee'. In a drip would have been good but had to take it cup for cup, which always makes you need to pee 500 times a day but I suppose that is little price for the ability to stay awake and tackle the daily duties that mummy-hood brings. All in a day's work. And after that early start, surely that has got to make for a better night tonight? Always have to hope and end on a positive!
The first point raised in the title is 'Attitude' or 'Tude as it is referred to within our household. This has been mentioned because I have been faced with the first bout of 'Tude from J1. And this fact thrilled me so much that I had to mention it so that we can always remember it (although I always will). In living life with J1 and all his disabilities and difficulties that life has dealt him, anytime anything occurs with him that resembles that of an 'ordinary' 7 year old I want to jump as high as the sky.
The incident in question, was on the walk home from our first day 'back to school' yesterday. I suddenly realised (as I frequently do) that J1 was not wearing the same clothes (usually tops) as what I sent him in. On closer inspection I saw that he was in fact wearing his polo shirt and jumper I had sent him in, with another jumper over the top. I decided to attempt to question him as to why he was wearing two jumpers? Firstly, he tutted, then rolled his eyes and replied 'Because I am' sigh.
It was lucky that I was standing behind him pushing him along so that he did not see the inane grin that spread across my face, and it was all I could do to stop myself from snorting out a laugh. Instead I composed myself and said, as seriously as was physically possible 'OK, don't give me the 'tude, I was only asking a question'. And no we never did establish why he was wearing two jumpers!
The second A related word that warrants a mention is 'Applause'. Both of my boys have suddenly developed the need to be applauded for everything they do. This has been the case with J1 for a little while (if he finishes dinner on his own he announces 'Clap!', a drink 'Clap', plays with a toy 'Clap' you get the gist). But all of a sudden J2 has started doing it too. As he can't speak properly yet, he just starts clapping himself and shouts 'More' indicating we all have to join in. I think it is sweet that J2 is copying his big brother but J1 seems to indicate that he is less than impressed and instead of clapping his little bro, sits with the biggest puss face that he can muster. Again for me this is an achievement for J1, a bit of brotherly rivalry, hurrah!
Finally we have 'Ahhhh Coffee'. This has been my chant for most of the day (well most of my days for the last 7 years actually) but in particular today (had to crack out the Italian Roast strength number 5 today - yep the big guns have seen daylight) as J1 decided that he was going to wake up at 3am, and not go back to sleep. Now J1 stirs multiple times in the night to be repositioned but unless he is in real discomfort generally drifts back off. It is not uncommon place for J1 to wake up around 5am (this is the general rule of thumb) and you can kind of lay and half sleep and half 'Mmmmm' to his chatting until it is time to get up at 7am, but not today, no.
I could tell when I walked over to reposition him, with one eye half open (haven't managed to do it with both closed yet) that he had that glint in his eye that he was A.W.A.K.E. A big smile and 'Is it time to get ready for school yet? School today!' gave me the confirmation that I dreaded and believe me, no amount of gentle 'It's sleepy time' or change of tactic, stern 'J1 go back to sleep this minute!' worked. No, it wasn't until 7am came around that he suddenly announced 'Mummy I'm tired'. Tough love little dude, as you so clearly told me at 3am SCHOOL TODAY!
Thus the need for my 'Ahhhh Coffee'. In a drip would have been good but had to take it cup for cup, which always makes you need to pee 500 times a day but I suppose that is little price for the ability to stay awake and tackle the daily duties that mummy-hood brings. All in a day's work. And after that early start, surely that has got to make for a better night tonight? Always have to hope and end on a positive!
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
Holidays - The Military Operation
Holidays. It's something we look forward to all year (and depending on how extravagant the holiday is, save for all year, sometimes longer). We look excitedly and longingly at the brochures through the cold winter months and keep in mind as we trudge through snow on the school run that it is only X number of weeks to go until 'The Holiday'. After a while and as the date draws closer and it becomes more important, that is how it becomes referred to within our household 'The Holiday'.
The word 'Holiday' should be filled with connotations of joy, happiness and pleasure. When I was younger 'Holiday' meant to me two weeks of running around the swimming pool all day and spending your hard saved pocket money in the arcade on the 2p machines in the evening. I loved it and have many happy memories. And of course being a child I just arrived, I never had to think about all the work that went into packing us up and getting us away with all the 'right stuff'. It was just there, in a case in my two week temporary bedroom!
However, I have found, more as I have become a mother to two children I must say, and a wife (thankfully only to one man) that the word 'Holiday' firstly now evokes other thoughts. Prior to the excited 'Let's go!' ethos that 'The Holiday' requires I must set up a precision schedule.
This list includes, but is not limited to; list making, washing, drying, ironing, setting aside and ensuring ear-marked clothes do not get worn, packing, cleaning, fridge clearing (and quite often food shopping, because we have an 18 month old and my rule is to only holiday in the UK until he doesn't need pushing / carrying everywhere or walks where we want him to, doesn't cry every 60 seconds, and isn't hanging on my leg for a majority of the day) and all of that quite frankly resembles something of a Military Operation.
And it can be quite exhausting because you do not suddenly get a free day to do this. No it must be fitted in around all of the normal day to day stuff. Not that I am saying J2 doesn't try and be helpful, yes he happily pulls all of my nicely pressed clothes out of the suitcase and to be fair does replace them... in a screwed up ball. And despite mentioning all of the aforementioned tasks to Hubby, that doesn't seem to translate in man world, that I need more time (and I am assured by several girlfriends that this is the case in all of their households to, so must not be taken as a slant on my Hubby!)
I have got friends of course that don't bother with this, but seeing the amount of stress they put on themselves as D Day approaches, I am much more inclined to go with the small bit of stress relating to finding the extra time to be organised. I could forgo the cleaning and tidying before we leave, but do I want to return from a lovely break to walk into a load of mess and immediately have the hackles on my back shoot up? Do I want to walk in and find washing up moulding in the bowl or the house stinking because the fridge didn't get any attention? No, so Military Operation it is for me and I have to say it's always worth it (maybe the Hubby doesn't think so as he gets bellowed at for wearing an 'earmarked shirt') but hey!
But once it is done I can have a couple of days squealing with the kids and showing them where we are going. I can see the cases packed and stacked, the food box nestling content in the corner and smell the polish has been out and feel proud. Then I can really get that child hood feeling of looking forward to the 'Holiday' - and yes, I still go with my 2p purse!
The word 'Holiday' should be filled with connotations of joy, happiness and pleasure. When I was younger 'Holiday' meant to me two weeks of running around the swimming pool all day and spending your hard saved pocket money in the arcade on the 2p machines in the evening. I loved it and have many happy memories. And of course being a child I just arrived, I never had to think about all the work that went into packing us up and getting us away with all the 'right stuff'. It was just there, in a case in my two week temporary bedroom!
However, I have found, more as I have become a mother to two children I must say, and a wife (thankfully only to one man) that the word 'Holiday' firstly now evokes other thoughts. Prior to the excited 'Let's go!' ethos that 'The Holiday' requires I must set up a precision schedule.
This list includes, but is not limited to; list making, washing, drying, ironing, setting aside and ensuring ear-marked clothes do not get worn, packing, cleaning, fridge clearing (and quite often food shopping, because we have an 18 month old and my rule is to only holiday in the UK until he doesn't need pushing / carrying everywhere or walks where we want him to, doesn't cry every 60 seconds, and isn't hanging on my leg for a majority of the day) and all of that quite frankly resembles something of a Military Operation.
And it can be quite exhausting because you do not suddenly get a free day to do this. No it must be fitted in around all of the normal day to day stuff. Not that I am saying J2 doesn't try and be helpful, yes he happily pulls all of my nicely pressed clothes out of the suitcase and to be fair does replace them... in a screwed up ball. And despite mentioning all of the aforementioned tasks to Hubby, that doesn't seem to translate in man world, that I need more time (and I am assured by several girlfriends that this is the case in all of their households to, so must not be taken as a slant on my Hubby!)
I have got friends of course that don't bother with this, but seeing the amount of stress they put on themselves as D Day approaches, I am much more inclined to go with the small bit of stress relating to finding the extra time to be organised. I could forgo the cleaning and tidying before we leave, but do I want to return from a lovely break to walk into a load of mess and immediately have the hackles on my back shoot up? Do I want to walk in and find washing up moulding in the bowl or the house stinking because the fridge didn't get any attention? No, so Military Operation it is for me and I have to say it's always worth it (maybe the Hubby doesn't think so as he gets bellowed at for wearing an 'earmarked shirt') but hey!
But once it is done I can have a couple of days squealing with the kids and showing them where we are going. I can see the cases packed and stacked, the food box nestling content in the corner and smell the polish has been out and feel proud. Then I can really get that child hood feeling of looking forward to the 'Holiday' - and yes, I still go with my 2p purse!
Sunday, 4 September 2011
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
As I get more into 'this blogging life' (and yes, it does get really rather addictive) I am learning how to follow other peoples blogs and I feel much better for it. Many bloggers, like myself, want to capture life and it's moments just as it is, honestly, with brutal truth many using the term 'to show parenting how it is The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'.
So as I read more, I am finding blog a plenty of The Good, some of The Bad but few of The Ugly. In a way this could be good, that people's lives don't often venture into The Bad or Ugly, but I looked at my own happy, upbeat blog and wondered if in actual fact we don't wish to admit to The Bad or Ugly within our lives because we don't want to be seen as 'failing' and by writing about the 'not so good days' would be doing just that.
Admitting that some days our manic, scheduled, packed out lives are not all 'on schedule' so to speak doesn't make us look like the coping with everything parent / wife / husband / person in general we wish to be seen as.
But I for one am looking for those blogs, so that on my own 'Bad Day' (and I admit sometimes Day turns into the plural) I don't feel like an incompetent, failing miserably mother / wife / housekeeper / daughter / friend etc. I want to know that I am not the only person thinking 'If that baby screams one more time my head is going to explode all over these (need a fresh lick of paint - maybe in the next century) walls!
So, I will hold my hands up and say I haven't blogged for the last few days because I have been in a foul mood and when asked by my husband if I had blogged, after the (perfectly acceptable and real answer of 'I haven't had the time HAVE I!') I thought, no I haven't because I would blog the wrong negative things, but why would that be so bad, that would be an accurate reflection of real life at that time.
I don't mean I wish to rant or air my dirty laundry (hence why I am writing this now I am in a better mood) which is the danger when writing in full emotive mode, but I am supposed to be keeping a 'true and accurate record' (feel I should be saying 'now sign here please' after writing that) about my family life. So here goes, the last few days I have been in a bad mood and here are the general reasons why :
J2 has been in complete 'toddler tantrum' mode and every 60-90 seconds lets rip a scream that I am, quite frankly, surprised leaves one single brick standing in our house. Occasionally he will follow this up with throwing himself on the floor and banging his head (causing more screeching).
This in turn leads me to have to tell him off a million and one times a day (otherwise feels likes 'moaning' and is not pleasant and becomes a drag, even for the moaner). This then makes my tolerance level lessened for other things that would usually only mildly irritate on a normal day, this then causes guilt, and no one likes that.
This all then turns into me being emotionally drained by 7pm, roughly when the hubby appears from work, not a good combination. He wants happy emotion on his return home, rightly so, but this is seen by me as wanting something massive. This leads to an immediate explosion of pent up frustration that because of constant attempts at stopping the screaming (every form of distraction method deployed, including ignoring, but there is only so much of that you can do when you are aware that the neighbours are trying to have their parents over for a nice garden lunch) nothing else you planned to try and do that day has been done, stuff is everywhere, you don't have content and happy children and basically you feel like a complete failure.
The next day, when hubby hasn't done the washing up he promised to do while sending your grumpy butt off to bed the night before (his chance at a quiet, grump free hour before he starts another 12 hour day) instead of starting the day as you thought you would as you changed the first bum, peed and walked downstairs before you were hit with Hell's Kitchen) the black mood starts the day.
It's a vicious circle. The kids feed off of your mood, the kids start whining the circle continues. It happens. To everyone. Surely? But I am not sure because we don't really like to talk about 'those days' only the one's where you either a) feel like or b) have been, superwomen.
So there you go, I have had not just one but a couple of those 'Bad and Ugly Days'. Feeling perhaps a bit more help keeping on top of things wouldn't go a miss, that perhaps I might not make it through this toddler time with any sanity left, that maybe the kids and my husband deserve better than a grumpy, snappy 30 something. But they are just that; a couple of bad days. They pass. They get forgotten. We become superwomen / supermum / superwife / superdad (delete as appropriate) once more and write happy (and true) blogs, mostly from what I have found, being grateful for their lot in life.
But just for those parents having their own couple of 'Bad and Ugly' days - this one's for you.
So as I read more, I am finding blog a plenty of The Good, some of The Bad but few of The Ugly. In a way this could be good, that people's lives don't often venture into The Bad or Ugly, but I looked at my own happy, upbeat blog and wondered if in actual fact we don't wish to admit to The Bad or Ugly within our lives because we don't want to be seen as 'failing' and by writing about the 'not so good days' would be doing just that.
Admitting that some days our manic, scheduled, packed out lives are not all 'on schedule' so to speak doesn't make us look like the coping with everything parent / wife / husband / person in general we wish to be seen as.
But I for one am looking for those blogs, so that on my own 'Bad Day' (and I admit sometimes Day turns into the plural) I don't feel like an incompetent, failing miserably mother / wife / housekeeper / daughter / friend etc. I want to know that I am not the only person thinking 'If that baby screams one more time my head is going to explode all over these (need a fresh lick of paint - maybe in the next century) walls!
So, I will hold my hands up and say I haven't blogged for the last few days because I have been in a foul mood and when asked by my husband if I had blogged, after the (perfectly acceptable and real answer of 'I haven't had the time HAVE I!') I thought, no I haven't because I would blog the wrong negative things, but why would that be so bad, that would be an accurate reflection of real life at that time.
I don't mean I wish to rant or air my dirty laundry (hence why I am writing this now I am in a better mood) which is the danger when writing in full emotive mode, but I am supposed to be keeping a 'true and accurate record' (feel I should be saying 'now sign here please' after writing that) about my family life. So here goes, the last few days I have been in a bad mood and here are the general reasons why :
J2 has been in complete 'toddler tantrum' mode and every 60-90 seconds lets rip a scream that I am, quite frankly, surprised leaves one single brick standing in our house. Occasionally he will follow this up with throwing himself on the floor and banging his head (causing more screeching).
This in turn leads me to have to tell him off a million and one times a day (otherwise feels likes 'moaning' and is not pleasant and becomes a drag, even for the moaner). This then makes my tolerance level lessened for other things that would usually only mildly irritate on a normal day, this then causes guilt, and no one likes that.
This all then turns into me being emotionally drained by 7pm, roughly when the hubby appears from work, not a good combination. He wants happy emotion on his return home, rightly so, but this is seen by me as wanting something massive. This leads to an immediate explosion of pent up frustration that because of constant attempts at stopping the screaming (every form of distraction method deployed, including ignoring, but there is only so much of that you can do when you are aware that the neighbours are trying to have their parents over for a nice garden lunch) nothing else you planned to try and do that day has been done, stuff is everywhere, you don't have content and happy children and basically you feel like a complete failure.
The next day, when hubby hasn't done the washing up he promised to do while sending your grumpy butt off to bed the night before (his chance at a quiet, grump free hour before he starts another 12 hour day) instead of starting the day as you thought you would as you changed the first bum, peed and walked downstairs before you were hit with Hell's Kitchen) the black mood starts the day.
It's a vicious circle. The kids feed off of your mood, the kids start whining the circle continues. It happens. To everyone. Surely? But I am not sure because we don't really like to talk about 'those days' only the one's where you either a) feel like or b) have been, superwomen.
So there you go, I have had not just one but a couple of those 'Bad and Ugly Days'. Feeling perhaps a bit more help keeping on top of things wouldn't go a miss, that perhaps I might not make it through this toddler time with any sanity left, that maybe the kids and my husband deserve better than a grumpy, snappy 30 something. But they are just that; a couple of bad days. They pass. They get forgotten. We become superwomen / supermum / superwife / superdad (delete as appropriate) once more and write happy (and true) blogs, mostly from what I have found, being grateful for their lot in life.
But just for those parents having their own couple of 'Bad and Ugly' days - this one's for you.
Thursday, 1 September 2011
S is for ... September, School and Scary
So far September has been pretty good. We waved goodbye to a rather chilly August and welcomed in September and some warmth. This I like. A lot.
September means many things. The end of Summer but the beginning of the beautiful Autumn season (well beautiful to the eyes, but messy on wheelchair and buggy wheels when the leaves start to drop). Lots of birthdays (September is super popular amongst my friends and family). The start of Christmas ideas seeking (it's difficult finding things suitable for J1 and takes some careful planning). But most predominantly it means the start of the new school year (cue scary music).
I find it hard to believe that J1 has been attending his school for 4 years already. It is a fantastic school and I am so glad that we chose to send J1 to it, because the leaps and bounds that he has made, particularly in the last 2 years I attribute entirely to his teacher and the support network of assistants in the classroom. The people that work with J1 are all truly amazing, kind hearted, generous, and special people. Because the class has been together for 3 years a real unity of purpose had developed between the staff, children and parents over that time and all the children were doing marvelously well.
Alas, too well, it got spotted and now the school feel all the children are ready to move 'up' a class. Thus, at the end of July at a tearful farewell tea party the end of an era occurred. No one can really argue with the decision as it is probably very true, the children are ready to move on, so this September instead of having the comfortable knowledge that J1 is going back to his class that I know he is happy and familiar with, I have the fear that all parents have at this time of year - a new September, a new School class, a new Scary time.
I have been spoilt in the past with not having to deal with this (apart from when he went from baby class to 'proper' class but he was so small I knew it wouldn't worry him too much) and decided that instead of fretting about it all summer holidays, I would not allow myself to think about it until September. So today being September 1st, it's time to face up to it.
All the fears are there, how will he get on in a new class and will he like the teacher? Will he take to the new children in the class? In a way it's nice to know that these questions would be the same ones I would have even if J1 didn't have disabilities and special needs. But he does so my fears also include, will he receive physiotherapy everyday? Will he get standing frame time? Will they remember that he has had surgery on both hips and suffers pain from that when he is hoisted or changed? Will they be patient and kind to him when they have had to answer the same question for the hundredth time that day? Are they fully aware that he gets very scared if other children are moving around him too quickly? This is probably my biggest fear, the class he is moving into are more 'able bodied' students and with J1's sensitivities I worry to my very core that all the progress he has made in gaining confidence could be shattered.
But on the other hand I know that the school do know what they are doing and I have been assured by the fantastic teachers he had, that the teacher he is going to is just as fantastic and that in depth handover packages have been completed. I haven't mentioned to J1 that he is moving class, firstly I am not to sure that he would actually understand and I also don't want to set in motion a week of him waking up and fretting in the night if he does. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best. I think perhaps the idea of going back to school should be introduced over the next few days, and perhaps start showing him his uniform and lunch box, things he can associate with school, then break in the idea that he is going to be attending a new classroom and see how we fare with that information first. I think that he will be excited to go back to school, but once he realises that it isn't quite the same as last year I might have a few days of a grumpy little man. Just a guess...
Along with it all being quite scary however, it is also very exciting, probably more for me than him! I can see the prospects of moving up to a 'bigger' class and how it could potentially benefit him (as long as the actual change isn't just too much for him to cope with) in ways that a few years ago I didn't think would ever happen. The most exciting thing on the table? LEARNING TO READ. They believe that they will be able to get my little man LEARNING TO READ. This is amazing and wonderful. I think if it happens (got to think positive as he has managed to achieve so much already that not so long ago I didn't know would be possible) I will cry. If I hear his little voice reading words on a page it will be a real life miracle for me.
I think because I hold reading and writing so dear, and place it so high on my list of priorities (of enjoyment) to be able to share that with my little boy will just be immense. We of course already sit together and I read to him and he adds words from memory, but for him to see the word, understand the word, enjoy it and feel proud. Wow, I can't describe how that would feel.
But overall, I just want my little boy to still get up in the morning and say 'School today, have I got packed lunch? What's in it, there better be some crisps!' and be happy. Just like any parent of any child.
So for all the Scary feelings that September and School evoke, the bigger picture I think it'll be worth it.
Dedicated to my little boy J1 and going back to school in 2011. Enjoy my sweet boy.
September means many things. The end of Summer but the beginning of the beautiful Autumn season (well beautiful to the eyes, but messy on wheelchair and buggy wheels when the leaves start to drop). Lots of birthdays (September is super popular amongst my friends and family). The start of Christmas ideas seeking (it's difficult finding things suitable for J1 and takes some careful planning). But most predominantly it means the start of the new school year (cue scary music).
I find it hard to believe that J1 has been attending his school for 4 years already. It is a fantastic school and I am so glad that we chose to send J1 to it, because the leaps and bounds that he has made, particularly in the last 2 years I attribute entirely to his teacher and the support network of assistants in the classroom. The people that work with J1 are all truly amazing, kind hearted, generous, and special people. Because the class has been together for 3 years a real unity of purpose had developed between the staff, children and parents over that time and all the children were doing marvelously well.
Alas, too well, it got spotted and now the school feel all the children are ready to move 'up' a class. Thus, at the end of July at a tearful farewell tea party the end of an era occurred. No one can really argue with the decision as it is probably very true, the children are ready to move on, so this September instead of having the comfortable knowledge that J1 is going back to his class that I know he is happy and familiar with, I have the fear that all parents have at this time of year - a new September, a new School class, a new Scary time.
I have been spoilt in the past with not having to deal with this (apart from when he went from baby class to 'proper' class but he was so small I knew it wouldn't worry him too much) and decided that instead of fretting about it all summer holidays, I would not allow myself to think about it until September. So today being September 1st, it's time to face up to it.
All the fears are there, how will he get on in a new class and will he like the teacher? Will he take to the new children in the class? In a way it's nice to know that these questions would be the same ones I would have even if J1 didn't have disabilities and special needs. But he does so my fears also include, will he receive physiotherapy everyday? Will he get standing frame time? Will they remember that he has had surgery on both hips and suffers pain from that when he is hoisted or changed? Will they be patient and kind to him when they have had to answer the same question for the hundredth time that day? Are they fully aware that he gets very scared if other children are moving around him too quickly? This is probably my biggest fear, the class he is moving into are more 'able bodied' students and with J1's sensitivities I worry to my very core that all the progress he has made in gaining confidence could be shattered.
But on the other hand I know that the school do know what they are doing and I have been assured by the fantastic teachers he had, that the teacher he is going to is just as fantastic and that in depth handover packages have been completed. I haven't mentioned to J1 that he is moving class, firstly I am not to sure that he would actually understand and I also don't want to set in motion a week of him waking up and fretting in the night if he does. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best. I think perhaps the idea of going back to school should be introduced over the next few days, and perhaps start showing him his uniform and lunch box, things he can associate with school, then break in the idea that he is going to be attending a new classroom and see how we fare with that information first. I think that he will be excited to go back to school, but once he realises that it isn't quite the same as last year I might have a few days of a grumpy little man. Just a guess...
Along with it all being quite scary however, it is also very exciting, probably more for me than him! I can see the prospects of moving up to a 'bigger' class and how it could potentially benefit him (as long as the actual change isn't just too much for him to cope with) in ways that a few years ago I didn't think would ever happen. The most exciting thing on the table? LEARNING TO READ. They believe that they will be able to get my little man LEARNING TO READ. This is amazing and wonderful. I think if it happens (got to think positive as he has managed to achieve so much already that not so long ago I didn't know would be possible) I will cry. If I hear his little voice reading words on a page it will be a real life miracle for me.
I think because I hold reading and writing so dear, and place it so high on my list of priorities (of enjoyment) to be able to share that with my little boy will just be immense. We of course already sit together and I read to him and he adds words from memory, but for him to see the word, understand the word, enjoy it and feel proud. Wow, I can't describe how that would feel.
But overall, I just want my little boy to still get up in the morning and say 'School today, have I got packed lunch? What's in it, there better be some crisps!' and be happy. Just like any parent of any child.
So for all the Scary feelings that September and School evoke, the bigger picture I think it'll be worth it.
Dedicated to my little boy J1 and going back to school in 2011. Enjoy my sweet boy.
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