The Writing Retreat

I have alluded to the idea, on more than one occasion, that now my youngest is headed for the big world of school in September and as the decision has been made that no more little J's are going to be coming into our life, I have reached the point where I can start to think about what I might like to 'do' - now I am not going to be spending 15 hours a day trying to keep the little ones alive (this will reduce to a mere 8 or 9... except in school holidays of course).

 

The idea is to write.  In a fanciful and childish way I claim 'When I grow up I want to be an author.' But unlike the wonderful ignorance you are allowed as a child I am now fully aware that this is no easy task.  It requires ideas and creativity (plenty of it), it requires time (plenty of it), it requires confidence (plenty of it), it requires discipline (plenty of it), it requires, like most things, some degree of luck (plenty of it).

 

But, I am willing to give it a try, because now is the time.  As my 35th birthday looms ever closer I have actually felt, for once, older.  I have never really worried about birthdays before.  My best friend is the opposite, as his birthday approaches he elopes off to 'Maudling Land' and the word 'Birthday' is not even to be whispered in his direction.  We buy cards with 21 on them. 

 

I suppose it has helped that I always looked younger than my years, obviously between the ages of 17 and 25 this was a factor I hated.  Having to carry ID everywhere and argue at the door of clubs that yes, it was genuine ID.  But after reaching my mid-20's I have enjoyed the fact that everyone thinks I am much younger than my husband (and although he baulks because in actual fact there is only two years between us I think he quite enjoys it too).

 

But, all of a sudden I am going to be 35.  It has a much bigger feeling that turning 25 or even 30 did.  I am not sure why it has started to bother me.  Maybe it is because, although I have been vaguely aware of years passing more quickly as I have aged, all of a sudden I am acutely aware they are passing in a flash.  That I have cousins, who to me were eternally my 'older cousins' in their 30's who are now turning 50 and it is I who is mid-30's.

 

My 'Well, I can't do it yet because of x, y and z.' factors are almost gone and I am left instead with, 'You need to do it now because you aren't getting any younger.' ringing in my ears.  With this, somewhat disconcerting, state of affairs I have started to put in the discipline.  My 'child is at nursery' allocation of hours are being prioritised for writing where possible but sometimes it is difficult to not let the house chores take over.

 

So, I put my business head on and decided to book myself out for writing.  Like, booking a meeting you know you can't miss or think about anything else whilst there.  I signed up for the Urban Writing Retreat one day course in London.  This is literally a day to write.  Take yourself out of your normal environment and concentrate.  And concentrate we did, it was lovely to see a dozen people all their to get their head down.  The idea may seem strange, why go to a venue with other people who you are literally there to ignore.  But it works.  With food and drink provided (including delicious home made cake), plus helpful writing prompts if you find yourself struggling for any reason to get creative, it was amazing how a change of environment and a common (unspoken) understanding of 'writing is hard work' can give you some drive. 

 

Sometimes sitting at the computer getting words down on paper can be lonely and quite frankly others seem to make the assumption it is a little frivolous which can knock your confidence.  But for those writing their first draft (or second, or third, or fourth) and beginning to understand just what it takes to get a finished product, sometimes it nice to be surrounded by others (even if just to ignore) that understand what you are going through and to know, in actual fact they are sitting there going through exactly the same thing.

 

I would guess a writing retreat may not work for everybody, but for me it did, I got just shy of 5000 words penned that day and the biggest sense of achievement.  I left knowing I had done a massive amount of felt quite content, rather than trying to snatch an hour or two here or there and scraping perhaps a few hundred words and feeling like I wanted to achieve more.  So I am glad I paid and took myself away to self indulgently think of nothing but writing.  It has put me in a much better mood in general which is beneficial to the kids and husband as well.  I have been able to feel I have started to gain a sense of self identity back which can be easily forgotten in the everyday hustle bustle of being a mum. 

 

My top tips for attending a writing retreat would be :

 

1. Make sure you know how to turn the sound off of your lap top (as mine made every noise possible I was so glad to have older mum in a muddle next to me to click the button to silence the 'never seemed that loud before' computer).

 

2. Make sure all 'updates' have been performed the night before (15 minutes into writing mine decided to restart itself and update - of course).

 

3. Don't be on a diet - you need cake.

 

4. Be prepared for sore eyes and laptop arm the following day.

 

Otherwise enjoy! 

Proud

I realised, just the other day, that I am very proud of those around me at the moment.  There must have been something in the air for the last 12 months because while I myself have come to a cross-roads and I hate to admit, somewhat of an identity crisis others have been squirrelling away blooming.

 

My husband, takes spot number one.  He has single-handedly got a business off the ground and although the odd argument over the length of hours he works sometimes raises his head, what he has done in the last eight months is pretty astounding. 

 

Then there is one of my friends, who took the plunge and left her desirable marketing position because, to be honest, the company she worked for didn't want her to be involved in her family life very much, and started out on her own.  Now she has some solid clients, chooses her own hours and does the school run without the heart-racing thought of 'Will I make it to work on time today?'

 

My other friend decided to take a whole life break because, frankly, it was breaking him.  He packed up his job, flat and social life to return home where his family needed him as much as he needed them.  In doing so, and taking some time out from a longstanding fast paced city life he managed to establish what he wants to do with the rest of his life.  It means going back to basics, back to college, back to studying.  But, he is doing it and making a change.

 

Another friend and fellow blogger has written a draft of her book.  Actually sat down and done it.  From the planting of a seed to a whole first draft.  Start to finish.  Oh and compiled, co-ordinated and published an anthology in the middle of that and maintaining multiple, fabulous blogs.  My literary wonder women.  Her writing should most certainly be checked out - Older Mum in a Muddle.

 

One dear person in my life has created her own Pampered Chef emporium, oh as well as running an online wedding and events décor service - Pistachio Inc.

 

An old school friend started her own dress boutique, another a baking order service and another a craft site.  I wonder if there was something in the water where we lived that maybe enhanced the entrepreneurial gene?

 

 If so, where is mine.  I would like to do a lot of things but am finding with much frustration that I am failing miserably at doing something I used to be renowned for being good at.  Starting and FINISHING a job.  I seem to have lost the ability to see things through.  I have plenty of ideas, but feel I lack any substance right now. 

 

Plenty of ideas but not plenty of time.  That is what I have been telling myself.  But I look at all the wonderful things those amazing people around me are doing and I marvel.  You are finding the time and will power.  You all are truly fantastic.  I aspire to you all.

2012 : Achievement

I have been intending to join in with Kate on Thin Ice and the fantastic #Get Grooving initiative for a few weeks now.  Time has not been on my side.  However, although I may not have penned my post, it has been formulating and evolving in my mind, so I am not surprised that at my first opportunity to power up the laptop I have felt compelled to get it written.

I first started joining in with the 'Groovy Mums' blog hop at the end of last year and into the beginning of 2012 because it was a way of tracking what I was doing with my life.  I was entering a second year of being a stay-at-home mum.  I was used to not getting up and going out to 'work' and settled into my 24/7 job of raising two children. 

I craved some structure however.  Groovy Mums encourages you to look at ways to improve things in your life, and subsequently the lives of those around you.  To take steps to improve yourself, no matter how small.  To think about what you want out of life and think about how you can get it.

At the beginning of the year I set down a list of Hopes and Aims for 2012.  It was quite an extensive list and incorporated aims for us as a family and for myself personally.  After my initial post I wondered if I had aimed for a little too much in one year, given that I have a severely disabled son and an extremely hot headed Toddler to look after.

Then I slapped myself on the wrist.  That sort of attitude was not going to get me anywhere.  Instead of looking at the lengthy wish list as a whole, I decided I would focus on one or two items each month.  I am not going to go into a long detailed run down of them all, there are various posts already with updates.  The long and short is I achieved them all bar TWO.  And with that I am pretty damn proud.

What I am more proud of is, as I have been thinking about all of this, the realisation of all the extra things that have been achieved this year.  Not just little insignificant things either.  Big things :

* I started publishing some fictional writing.  I have never done this in the past purely due to fear.  I have also started working on a few 'novel' ideas that have been rattling around in my mind.  I have subscribed to a Writing Magazine, which has introduced me to lots of ideas, information and the idea that I might enter work into competitions. 

* I attended my first blogging conference and met some wonderful fellow bloggers.  This was also a nerve-racking step but I am so glad I took it.  Roll on BritMums Live 2013.

* We took the bull by the horns and applied for some specialist equipment for J1.  These were things that we had only ever believed to be 'wish' items, but I am so happy that we persevered.  They are going to make such a huge difference to all of us because they will open up activities for us to all enjoy that we have never been able to before.

* We also took the plunge and booked a family holiday of a lifetime.  We could have always been 'put off' by the amount of research and fact finding it requires but many incidences this year have made me very aware of how grown up J1 is becoming and we became determined that it could be made to happen.

* The Hubby and I have both found an individual hobby each to enjoy.  Mine is running.  I set a goal of participating in The Great South Run in October and am pleased to say I completed it.  My next goal is our local Half Marathon in March.

* I have started doing some volunteer work for a fabulous cancer charity GRACE.

So I think, as we hurtle towards the end of 2012, that if I had to use one word to describe our year it would be 'Achievement'.  This is very pleasing and I would like to think that as a family we can give ourselves a big old pat on the back.

What word would sum up 2012 for you?

If you want to make changes to your life, no matter how big or small, take a look at the inspiring posts from Kate on Thin Ice.  Kate encourages you to always keep going, even if you feel you may be treading water.  When you think about it, usually turns out you are achieving more than you think.  Link your posts to inspire others, or get inspired if you are lacking motivation.

Now I need to start thinking about what we can achieve in 2013 - the possibilities really could be endless...

Special Saturday : Latest Achievement

Special Saturday is a great hashtag.  It encourages everyone with whom Special Needs features in their lives, to write about it, status check it, tweet about it and link up in order to try and raise awareness of living with Special Needs.  As you know I am always interested in any ways and means of raising awareness for this very reason (hence why I started The Disability Diaries) so I will be joining in this fantastic movement.

This weeks Special Saturday theme is 'Latest Achievement'.  I mention frequently that I am amazed and astounded at what J1 achieves on a daily basis, be it an attempt at rolling, or getting him to do just one extra movement during physio, reaching and pincer holding something or counting to 5.  He does so much that fills me with pride, that it is difficult to think of one thing to highlight.

However, I have got to say that this week, with it being half term, and obviously getting much more one to one time with him, he has opened my eyes to how much more he is comprehending.  A fabulous example to give of this is the 'Days of the Week'.  For some time now, thanks to his wonderful school and teachers, he has been able to recite the days of the week.  It has been in a parrot like fashion and this on its own has been pleasing. 

But, in the last few days we have had very clear and concise (again another improvement that I could only have dreamt about a few years ago) conversations about what is happening on particular days of the week.  In addition to this he has quoted the correct days when asked questions; that is - what was yesterday; what is today; what day will it be tomorrow. 

This extra ability to demonstrate real comprehension of such things is something, I have to admit, I did not think would ever happen.  He is starting to show real development in his mental capabilities that is just stunning to me.  Some of those things that I grieved he might never be able to do are now becoming a reality and other realms of possibility are starting to open up and become reachable.

I guess the moral of this story is, never underestimate what your child can do.

#specialsaturday.

Groovy Mums (an inspiration by Kate on Thin Ice)

Many of my posts mention that I am participating in the Groovy Mum's initiative over at Kate on Thin Ice.  This is a positive and inspirational link up for mums that want to take steps to change, improve, move their lives forward for themselves and / or their family and have support from other mum bloggers whilst doing so. 

Participation is as much or as little as you like, you can link up posts outlining the steps you have started to make, would like to take or are looking for inspiration to take and reading other peoples progress and success is a massive spirit lifter.  On the other side of the coin, on occasions progress you had hoped to achieve has not been made it can be a source of positive reinforcement not to give up or if you ask nicely, even a kick up the bum if you feel one is required.

It is great to have a place to, kind of, report to especially if you have a nature like mine, and have to have lists to get by and like to keep a running report in your own mind of what you have managed to achieve.  I worked like this when I was in full time employment and years of this tried and tested approach still works for me as a stay at home mum, and yes, it is also a way for me to remind myself that my role at home is as busy as the one I ever held in the World of Work, which is easy to forget when you trade money-making for home-making.

At the beginning of the year I decided to list my Aims and Hopes (of achieving things) for 2012 and broke them down to a few per month.  These are my posts that I have been linking up with Groovy Mums, I found that I made much more effort to actually succeed and fulfil what I set out to do at the beginning of each month so that I could report back and get a good old pat on the back (or when lack of effort prevailed, kick up the buttocks!).  By doing this I have made some great new blogger acquaintances, who always take the time and effort to catch up with my blog and more importantly comment their support and opinions.

In addition to providing a place for the fantastic link up, thus support network, Kate also goes to the tremendous effort of providing 'Challenges' for anyone that maybe struggling to come up with their own inspiration to move forward.  These Challenges look at various areas of life (for example Mind, Body and Soul) and ask you to think about how making a change in this area in your life could be positive for you.  Again, participation is completely optional, but some of the Challenges have certainly got me thinking, and recently saw me getting involved with helping Charity close to my heart.

If you have been 'thinking' about checking out what this is, whether you are a blogger or not, it is so worth going to visit Kate and some of her wonderful Groovy Mums, I promise you will come away smiling and inspired.  I have.

Dear Boys - Letter of Life 2 (Family Friday)

Dear Boys

October / November 2011


These last few weeks have been very hectic and your normal, calm, perfect (I know, I joke) routine has been knocked out of kilter quite dramatically.


It all started when we were excitedly watching Aunty Marina on TV - Yes!  TV.  Aunty Marina was on best form when she was trying to win money for a fabulous charity called Bullies Out (and let's hope and pray that by the time you are grown up and reading this you will never have had to use them) on a game show called Holding Out For a Hero.  J1, my dear sweet boy, this made you happier than if Father Christmas had appeared himself at our door and we have watched it every day since it has been on!


However it was at this very moment that poor Daddy was very unwell and we had to take him to hospital.  Daddy had gone and got himself a strangulated hernia and had to have an operation on his belly and a stay in hospital.  This meant, J2, that you had to have frequent visits to Nanny and Granddad's (yes Nanny is much stricter than Mummy) which in turn made you extremely clingy (but still very cute) and J1, you got to stay at Nanny and Granddad's like a holiday visit, and you loved it.

Another exciting thing for your boys to have happened over the last few weeks is that we had our very first Halloween Party.  J1, you were 'Chair Charging Dracula' a great idea for you as the cape went right over your whole wheelchair and did not make you too hot (my little sweaty betty) and J2, I told everyone you were going as a little devil, for which I did have a costume, but then I found an even better one and we surprised everyone at the last minute...

Yes dear baby boy, to my unashamed pleasure I got photographs of you in this for the sole purpose that they will be gracing your 18th birthday board in 2028!

J1, what I am learning about you mostly at the moment is that you have so much character and are really quite cheeky, but all in a fabulously good way.  Your ability to drop a one liner and have us in stitches is becoming a common occurrence and for this my heart swells with pride, it is not something I thought would ever happen, let alone at age 7.  You amaze me everyday.  What I would really like you to try and learn for mummy now is to blow your nose into a hanky and not your hand as it really is gross.

J2, your development has me in wonderment, as every milestone you reach on 'normal' time is a great sense of relief and again achievement.  Your little mind is working overtime at the moment, and you are trying (and mostly succeeding) in saying new words everyday.  Your most used one at the moment (as it has just been Halloween) is 'Pooky' [spooky].  You are learning Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at nursery which is lovely, especially when you wake me up singing it in the morning and kissing my eyelids.  I am just not so keen on when my eyes don't immediately open you try and stick your fingers in them and force them apart, we need to work on that...

With J1's 8th birthday approaching fast (Sunday) we have lots of fun activities and eating to look forward too and then it will be full steam ahead for Christmas, which as you are both getting older is just getting better and better.

Until the next time my dear boys.

I <3 you.

Mummy.xxx