What's My Password?

Well, it has been a while.  Months.  Never before has a blogging break lasted so long (well for me).  I guess it is like any hobby, you get out of the habit of doing it, longer you leave it - the harder it is to return to it.  You wonder where you can start?  Then it becomes a task.  So you put it off again.

 

Then, two things happened to make me realise that my writing is worth putting the effort into.  I read a quote recently and it stuck with me :

 

"My biggest reason for not giving up: No matter how hard it is to keep going, it is nothing compared to how hard it is to start over."

 

(facebook.com/DistantRunners - "Momma In Training")

 

How true is that quote?  I have already put so many hours and dedication into making my blog flourish, was I prepared to let a few months break put me off of my stride?  Put me off of writing?  The one thing I have craved to do my whole life, that I was starting to make a reality? 

 

The second thing that has been instrumental in me picking up the laptop is the fantastic writers and bloggers group that was born after the brilliant 2013 BritMums Live.  In particular thanks go out to Older Mum in a Muddle.  Her enthusiasm and commitment to supporting the group and encouraging aspiring writers to sit and actually (shock, horror) WRITE! and report back has been such a positive thing to see everyday, it made me once again want to sit and tap away at the keyboard.  

 

So, a quick sum up of why the break happened.  I think it was clear from my, few and far between, blog posts after March this year that life was stressful for me and my family.  Infact 2013, months one through six, were some of the most stressful we have encountered.  This was devastating given I started that January 1st so optimistic.  I think we all wondered if we would make it through the economic hit, but our crux was definitely this period.

 

Then came our Florida dream holiday.  Already committed to at a time when we thought things were going to be fine.  It was something that came around quickly and I found myself both looking forward too, we were going to accomplish a dream I had held for J1, and yet dreading - wondering what life I would return home too.

 

I think a guardian angel must have finally picked up on our pleas.  July saw a turnaround for our family life. Slowly but surely we have picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and worked our tails off making sure that we do not find ourselves in such a vulnerable position (ever) again.

 

Day by day, my mind is starting to settle a little.  Room for creativeness is starting to creep back in.  Things that we had planned, that had to be shelved are slowly starting to take shape.  Things are getting done.  We can start to move forward again instead of gasping for air just trying to survive.  As the stress levels come down, the children are not feeding off of the negative air and behaviour is improving.  Time is returning bit by bit and gradually my head is starting to venture into the territory that yes, maybe I will be in a position to write once more.

 

Bit by bit.  Step by step.  Word by word.

 

Lynsey The Mother Duck is back.

Lynsey The Mother Duck is Going to Brit Mums Live 2013

I am not one for doing things last minute, but for some reason I have not pulled myself together very quickly for the epic Brit Mums Live event which will be here at the end of this week.  So today I got up early to start sorting for it and now I am feeling a little more organised.

So without further ado, here is my introduction post ...

Name : Lynsey

Blog: Lynsey The Mother Duck

Twitter ID: @lynseymummaduck

Height: 5'5" (but wearing heels so about 5'7" - until they hurt then back to 5'5")

Hair: Long and blonde.  Technically it should be straight but with the sniff of humidity it goes a bit like Monica's out of Friends when they go to Barbados...

Eyes: Mostly tired.  Oh, and blue.

Is this your first blogging conference? No I came along to Brit Mums Live last year and it was fab.

Are you attending both days? Yes, some time to focus solely on writing can not be missed

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2013? Catching up with friends made at last years conference and meeting even more amazing bloggers.  The WRITE sessions.

What are you wearing? Lemon skinny jeans, black top, black jacket (Friday).  Dark blue skinny jeans, USA Flag top (Saturday)

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2013? Well last year I gained weight as the food was so yummy, so apart from that - some mojo inspiration which has been lacking of late.

Tell us one thing about you that not everyone knows. My guilty pleasure is watching the Biggest Loser shows - I find them very motivational!

Me :

Coming Soon...

A series of Disability Diaries posts looking at travelling to Florida, USA with a disabled child.

Featuring.... This cool dude

This little monster

These awesome guys

 

And...this crazy lady!

Lost - One MoJo

It seems strange to me, that I am struggling to find the inspiration to sit down and write.  Through all tough or hard times before I have found that writing has stayed a constant source of comfort.  I suppose sometimes things get so stressful, the flame to do anything gets put out.

That is the scary thing.  When you get that feeling that you can't be bothered to do anything.  Go to the shops; take the children to the park; take any exercise; write.  I have been there before and have no desire to visit again, so I am finding it unnerving that I seem to be on that very train to that undesirable destination.

The shining light.  That feeling isn't all day, everyday.  Like today for instant.  I have been out with one of my oldest friends for her wedding dress fitting.  And for a couple of hours everything seemed 'normal'.  My heart didn't feel heavy in my body.  My eyes didn't feel tired in their sockets.

I know life is hard for many people right now.  It is sad to know, but also comforting - to know I am not the only one feeling like they are drowning in the hum drum of life as an adult.  I have many precious gifts, my Husband, my children, my family.  In that respect I am blessed.  But we are blighted by the economy and have been hit hard to the point of every piece of security we have ever had being a hares breath away from being ripped from under us.

That is hard to live with on a daily basis.  It starts to make you feel anxious.  This leads to a whole host of rather unwanted side effects but I suppose it is a blessing that I was aware they were happening and could take steps to try and tackle them.  But it is a slow process.  Some days are more productive than others.  I crave the productive days.  The ones where I see a glimmer of the person I used to be.  I can feel myself reaching out my arms and screaming for her to take back over - but at the moment she seems just out of reach and I am struggling to find the energy to fight for her.

I want to feel the passion to sit down and write.

I want to feel the desire to push a career in writing.

I want to feel the pride of keeping a lovely home.

I want to feel the joy of entertaining the children.

I want to be a good wife - the women who used to laugh.

But it is a struggle at the moment.  My head is so full of stress and confusion sometimes I feel I can not string a sentence together.  I always had moments like that before, but moments was all they were.  Now I would like to open the top of my head and shake out the excess, so I can think straight.

I guess that is what counsellors are for.

So what is the point of this post?  I remembered that when I used to write, I did it to clear my head.  I think there is too much going on in it at the moment for that to work but you know, nothing ventured and all of that.  I used to fit blogging into my routine.  Now I don't feel I have a routine.  A search for clarity.  Most certainly.  I have been searching for that since I have been MIA from the blogging world.  Maybe I will find it here.  I can tell myself that everything will work out.  And almost believe it.

I can apologise to The Hubby and my children for being such a snappy mardi-arse.  I can say I am sorry and I am trying to work my way through it.

I can continue the search for me.

I can try and resume normal service.

I can hope.

Stress : How do you channel it?

Stress is a funny old thing.  It's by no means funny in the ha-ha, laugh a minute or any kind of 'fun' way but it is interesting to see how stress works so differently on people.

I suppose it depends on your level of stress at any one time.  Mild bouts of stress may cause irritable and snappy days.  A day here or there were you think you are not coping as best as you could that results in a good old cry to feel better.  Feeling a bit frustrated - maybe something you wish you could control is just out of your grasp.

A big piece of surprise stress may be dealt with well at the time, but then result in a delayed reaction.  When I gave birth eight weeks early to J1, about five weeks later I broke out in Shingles, a reaction to the shock and stress of the situation I had been involved in - so I was told.

But the worst kind, I think, are those stressful things, that on their own may not seem too condemning, but piled up, one on top of the other again and again starts to make you feel buried.  The light at the end of the tunnel becomes dimmer, the weight on your shoulders heavy.  You try and claw your way through it and some days you may think that you are edging your way to dispelling of some of those pieces of sticking tape to the waste bin for good, then a whole load more gets stuck on top. 

Then all of a sudden you have got so much to deal with you don't know which to start with first.  Some of them you can't tackle at all.  But instead of having a public display of two year old temper tantrum to release you just try and get on with it.  Bury it away.  Put on a smile.  Even though the idea of how to deal with each one starts to seem insurmountable you try and stay calm and sane.  But in you brain it is all building up and at that point, your brain says

"OK I am filled to the brim on my stress level quota, it's starting to spill over, this will result in odd consequences."

Some people go off of their food.

Some people turn to food.

Some people turn to drink.

Some people don't do any of those things but find that all of a sudden they start to have a few medical issues that they don't, at first relate to the stress, but if they thought about it would be pretty clear.

I remember when my dad was made redundant.  It was a few months in and no other job prospect had come to fruition.  He got up one day had a - what looked like a huge blister - the size of a small fist right in the middle of his forehead and this had caused both of his eyelids to swell.  He looked liked Simba out of the Lion King.

This was a very clear physical reaction to the stress.  We hadn't got the slightest inclination that he was feeling that stressed, although in hindsight it was a given really, being the main bread winner of the family.

Our build up of stress has built slowly over the last three years in particular, with a significant increase I would say in the last 12 months.  In that time I have probably been back and forth to the doctor with little annoying ailments more than I ever have.  I can only put it down to a stress reaction and I am pretty sure I can say the same about some of the issues The Hubby has found himself suffering.

These are negative reactions to stress.  Are there any positives?  Could it be that some people have used stress in a productive way?  I have been thinking about this a lot lately, being a generally positive person I do not like it when I can not see the silver lining (or the light at the end of the tunnel) so I started to think about people that have propelled their dreams into reality due to the stress of real life. 

JK Rowling, was a young single Mother when she penned Harry Potter.  We all know the stresses of a small child, but on your own and trying to make a life for you and your child on benefits income must have been an extremely intense and stressful period.

 

Michelle Mone left school with no qualifications and felt compelled to find work to help her mother financially when illness left her father in a wheelchair.  Taking on modelling, she gave it up when she fell pregnant with her first child but instead found work in Marketing.  Being made redundant from that role, she took a leap of faith to start the Ultimo brand which took some time to make it to recognition.  But Michelle channelled her energy into staying determined, working hard and pushing her dream.  Trying to do that and be a mother must have taken every drain of energy she had.

 

Oprah Winfrey - need I say more?  If you don't know Oprah's background a short synopsis is here

 

I guess there are some key ingredients to being successful.  An idea; hard work; trial and error and the determination to get through all the 'error' parts and of course usually somewhere along the line a bit of luck. 

 

But I wonder - and hope - did these three women (and the many others who have changed their own lives) take the stress of their current situation to help fuel their desire to better their own world? 

 

Did their overwhelming desire to see light at the end of the tunnel make them overcome a fear of offering up their writing skills for the world to critic?  Did it make them become a better marketer and not afraid to pitch with gusto for contracts on an unknown product?  Did it make them research harder and practise public speaking into a mirror until the early hours of the morning?

 

What it has made me see is that there is always hope.  There is always a chance to try and make things better.  Some people are unlucky with the chance they take.  I am positive there are many people who deserve to have made their dream come true, that have tried, hard, but not succeeded.

 

But at least they tried.  And nothing should stop them taking a new dream and running with it.  The sadder situation is the ones where the effort isn't made.  Maybe they don't have quite enough stress to propel them to take that leap or they just can't see past that pile of sticking tape.