As I get more into 'this blogging life' (and yes, it does get really rather addictive) I am learning how to follow other peoples blogs and I feel much better for it. Many bloggers, like myself, want to capture life and it's moments just as it is, honestly, with brutal truth many using the term 'to show parenting how it is The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'.
So as I read more, I am finding blog a plenty of The Good, some of The Bad but few of The Ugly. In a way this could be good, that people's lives don't often venture into The Bad or Ugly, but I looked at my own happy, upbeat blog and wondered if in actual fact we don't wish to admit to The Bad or Ugly within our lives because we don't want to be seen as 'failing' and by writing about the 'not so good days' would be doing just that.
Admitting that some days our manic, scheduled, packed out lives are not all 'on schedule' so to speak doesn't make us look like the coping with everything parent / wife / husband / person in general we wish to be seen as.
But I for one am looking for those blogs, so that on my own 'Bad Day' (and I admit sometimes Day turns into the plural) I don't feel like an incompetent, failing miserably mother / wife / housekeeper / daughter / friend etc. I want to know that I am not the only person thinking 'If that baby screams one more time my head is going to explode all over these (need a fresh lick of paint - maybe in the next century) walls!
So, I will hold my hands up and say I haven't blogged for the last few days because I have been in a foul mood and when asked by my husband if I had blogged, after the (perfectly acceptable and real answer of 'I haven't had the time HAVE I!') I thought, no I haven't because I would blog the wrong negative things, but why would that be so bad, that would be an accurate reflection of real life at that time.
I don't mean I wish to rant or air my dirty laundry (hence why I am writing this now I am in a better mood) which is the danger when writing in full emotive mode, but I am supposed to be keeping a 'true and accurate record' (feel I should be saying 'now sign here please' after writing that) about my family life. So here goes, the last few days I have been in a bad mood and here are the general reasons why :
J2 has been in complete 'toddler tantrum' mode and every 60-90 seconds lets rip a scream that I am, quite frankly, surprised leaves one single brick standing in our house. Occasionally he will follow this up with throwing himself on the floor and banging his head (causing more screeching).
This in turn leads me to have to tell him off a million and one times a day (otherwise feels likes 'moaning' and is not pleasant and becomes a drag, even for the moaner). This then makes my tolerance level lessened for other things that would usually only mildly irritate on a normal day, this then causes guilt, and no one likes that.
This all then turns into me being emotionally drained by 7pm, roughly when the hubby appears from work, not a good combination. He wants happy emotion on his return home, rightly so, but this is seen by me as wanting something massive. This leads to an immediate explosion of pent up frustration that because of constant attempts at stopping the screaming (every form of distraction method deployed, including ignoring, but there is only so much of that you can do when you are aware that the neighbours are trying to have their parents over for a nice garden lunch) nothing else you planned to try and do that day has been done, stuff is everywhere, you don't have content and happy children and basically you feel like a complete failure.
The next day, when hubby hasn't done the washing up he promised to do while sending your grumpy butt off to bed the night before (his chance at a quiet, grump free hour before he starts another 12 hour day) instead of starting the day as you thought you would as you changed the first bum, peed and walked downstairs before you were hit with Hell's Kitchen) the black mood starts the day.
It's a vicious circle. The kids feed off of your mood, the kids start whining the circle continues. It happens. To everyone. Surely? But I am not sure because we don't really like to talk about 'those days' only the one's where you either a) feel like or b) have been, superwomen.
So there you go, I have had not just one but a couple of those 'Bad and Ugly Days'. Feeling perhaps a bit more help keeping on top of things wouldn't go a miss, that perhaps I might not make it through this toddler time with any sanity left, that maybe the kids and my husband deserve better than a grumpy, snappy 30 something. But they are just that; a couple of bad days. They pass. They get forgotten. We become superwomen / supermum / superwife / superdad (delete as appropriate) once more and write happy (and true) blogs, mostly from what I have found, being grateful for their lot in life.
But just for those parents having their own couple of 'Bad and Ugly' days - this one's for you.